Will you come back?
I wish you'd return.
But your hatred,
I always seem to spurn.
That's why I did it.
I made things this way.
You know that I had to.
What else can I say?
I really do miss you.
It's so lonely here,
But your wrath,
I really do fear.
Is there a balance.
Maybe I'll ask.
Finding the sweet spot,
Will be quite a task.
If we can be happy,
Just me and you.
There isn't anything,
I wouldn't do.
The voice is gone because of the medicine and I miss her.
It's never easy to let go a friend. In a way I can relate to this. Years ago I had this story I would tell myself, a little bit every night, because I couldn't sleep. But it was messing me up even more because I became obsessed about it. I had to let go, stop telling it. I miss the characters...
I want to ask you about it, but I know that obsessive feeling and I don't want to bring that back in you.
You can ask. Maybe I need to let it out, you know? Besides, it all happened quite a while ago and I believe I can talk about it without falling back into the old obsession.
What was the story?
This may sound silly but I was the leader of a super-hero team. I had mechanical arms and a backpack full of tools. The rest of the characters came from video games (Sonic and Tekken mostly). And we lived in a big city. Kinda cliché, isn't it?
A little. What were you obsessed with about it?
In real life I was (still am) invisible, despised, lonely and sad. In the Universe I created I had was the best, I had friends, I was happy. I took refuge there. It was my escape from reality. And it was much better than my real life. That's why I was obsessed about it.
Now I'm curious. That voice in your head, was it friendly? (You don't have to answer, if you don't want to)
Sometimes. She could be a lot of fun, but she had serious anger issues. When I could feel her confidence, it was the best feeling in the world, but when she got angry, she would try to get me to kill myself. She also has some serious destruction problems and doesn't care for other people, except for me (even though she says that stuff, I can tell she does care. she's just messed up). But I feel bad that I got rid of her. She used to be the main personality until I took over. And me taking over is what made her so angry. She wasn't too bad before.
vary sad and sweet at same time
Sad, but lovely.
It's beautiful, and sad. Letting go is never easy, especially when it's a part of yourself you're letting go. I relate this to something different to what you've actually written about I would think, but it doesn't matter. Sometimes it's comforting familiarity that we miss, even if it's wrong, it's familiar and we know what to expect. Letting it go it hard, and you miss it a lot, but in the end it's for the best. You got used to her being there, it can go the other way too, it just takes time, a long time.
Thank you. That's is exactly how I feel. I hope whatever is going on with you, you can get through as well.
This is wonderful! but sad again
It's a great poem!
also, the way I see it; she was your home, a place where you felt yourself, and even though that place might have been dark most of the time, it was still your home, and now that she is gone, so is that place, wanting to go back isn't strange I believe.. It is like a dog being loyal to its owner, even if the owner hurts him the dog still come backs... Because even though the owner hurts him, from time to time, the owner shows him love, he gives him attention, even if it bad attention.. leaving the owner means not only leaving the pain, but also leaving the good moments, and means he would be all alone.. or something like that?
I guess humans are just afraid of being alone..
but you get used to the feeling, at least I did..
Thank you. You really seem to understand it. It's more than leaving though because she isn't thinking at all so it kind of feels like I killed her. I'm not sure what I should do.
hmm, maybe you shouldn't look at it as if you have killed her..
in this case you are the one leaving her, not the other way around.. she is still were she always was.
You haven't killed here, you just locked her away.. because I think that when you would stop taking you medication, that she would come back right?
I think you should think of it as if you put her in jail or something,.. and maybe not because she was bad or anything, but to set yourself free.. even though you might miss her, and might feel like you are missing a piece of yourself right now, I think you also realize you are setting yourself free.. . maybe try looking at it as overcoming a fear, it takes an awful lot of courage and commitment, and you might have to leave your comfort-zone, but in the and it makes you stronger and more free.. right?
I suppose it makes me stronger and more free, but what if it was the other way around? What if she locked me away? I think I feel more guilty than anything.
It is your body, your mind, she took part of it, just living there. But it was your body, and your mind who decided to take that medication, even if she wanted to lock you away, she couldn't, because your presence is stronger than hers, that is why you now have control over your mind, and not she.. you locked her away by taking the medication, because somewhere you feel that is the right thing to do, right? so believe in yourself! she is silent now, so do not let her rule over you anymore, you now have the power to rule over yourself, you don't need her for that. And I think it is oke to feel guilty, as long as you don't let the guilt consume you. it is ok to feel guilty because you feel like you hurt her, but don't feel guilty because you helped yourself, you have every right to do that!
or at least so I think.. if I am wrong about anything, always feel free to say so, after all I am not you, I don't know what you feel or go through, I can only imagine so..
Sometimes the best thing to do is to just let go. I'm not trying to sound unemphatic, but if you gave her kindness and all she gave you was sorrow, then maybe you should find someone who returns your affection with kindness and not anger.
Do you think so? I mean she's been there for me sometimes, but when she has a bad day the attacks are so bad. It just feels lonely in my head now. I'm so used to her being here.
Unless she can control her bad days then YES. It will form a unhealthy relationship that will only get you misery. You don't want to be in a relationship where you're basically her method of venting anger.
I don't know if here bad days can be controlled. Maybe some kind of mood stabilizer.
From what you've described she might be bipolar. So if you can get to take medication to control it, then a relationship wouldn't be as bad of a idea. Otherwise it would be ill advised to resume the relationship.