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MaskI put on a mask to hide my face.
I make sure that it leaves no trace.
I want to open up myself and share,
But if I do will you still be there?
My thoughts are more twisted than you know.
My self-esteem's extremely low.
Sometimes I have so much fear.
It's so tough to keep my head clear.
I want to kill myself all the time,
But I just tell you that I'm fine.
Sometimes I want to kill others.
That's something you can never discover.
And so I keep it hidden inside.
I don't know if it's fear or pride.
This will change your image of me.
You'll run away from what you see.
You'll never look at me the same.
I don't want to play this game.
So I'll keep myself locked away.
It doesn't matter what I want to say.
Keeping up my high wall,
Is the closest to not being this at all.
Don't Talk to MeDon't talk to me. Just leave me alone.
I was doing fine all on my own.
You ask me all about my day,
But I don't know what I'm to say.
I try turning my body around.
I face my head towards the ground,
But the conversation goes on still.
I wonder if I can fake being ill.
And as I knew all along,
My words start to come out wrong.
I feel my mind begin to trip,
And out my lips the words slip.
I wonder if my face is sinking.
I wish I knew what you were thinking.
I replay the scene over in my head.
All day I hear what I have said.
Why couldn't you just let me be?
I told you not to talk to me.
The Princess and the DemonThe princess was perfect as could be,
Admired by everyone she would see.
Her skin was smooth and very fair.
So long and flowing was her hair.
But there was one thing she feared.
She heard the demon coming near.
The demon would attack the town,
Destroy everything that was around.
Despite all her great fame,
The demon she could not tame.
As the demon continued to grow.
There was a secret the town didn't know.
There was no one she could confide.
The demon the princess held inside.
At night the princess just changed.
Her mind and body become deranged.
Her town she didn't know how to defend.
Only one way she could bring to an end.
One quick draw of the knife.
The princess took the demon's life.
Between Life and DeathEvery time I think of it,
The pain comes back strong.
You hurt me so bad,
Made me feel so wrong.
I reached out for you,
But you weren't there.
I told you I would die,
But you didn't care.
I really don't know,
Why I didn't die that day.
I've tried to find out,
But I can't really say.
Sometimes I really wonder,
If I am still living,
Or if this is just a dream,
That some coma is giving?
When it comes down to it,
I really should be dead.
I wonder if you understand,
How bad it is what you said.
In between life and death,
Is how I'll spend eternity.
I wish I could understand.
Why you would ever hurt me.
Don't Know WhyI feel depressed, but don't know why.
My eyes are tearing about to cry.
Nothing to give the blame to.
I don't know what I'm to do.
I wanted help and I reached out.
Your dismissal gives more doubt.
I know you can't help how busy you are,
And you can't help that you're so far.
I don't want you to feel guilt.
I can see your face begin to wilt.
I know it's tough to put up with me.
Sometimes sadness is all I can see.
There must be more important things to be done.
I guess talking to me isn't one.
I guess it doesn't matter what I blame.
Tomorrow's likely to be the same.
I'll Be ThereI'll be there for you,
No matter what.
When no one cares for you,
When no one loves you,
When no one wants you,
When no one has time,
When no one will save you,
When no one is left,
I'll be there.
You're never truly alone.
They will all leave you.
He will leave you.
Only I will always be there.
MemoriesHow terrible the memories,
That run through your head.
Sometimes you've wondered,
If you'd be better off dead.
You may have found a reason,
That will allow you to live,
But the things you've done,
You could never forgive.
You hold so much guilt.
You hold so much fear.
You're terrified that,
You'll hurt everyone near.
You were so afraid,
Of letting your secret out.
You should never feel,
That my love would have doubt.
Whatever you think,
I want you to understand,
I'll always be there,
To hold your hand.
As long as you work with me,
I'll accept whatever you do.
Whatever your past,
I will always love you.
You've given me more happiness,
Than I could ever say.
You're the reason that I smile,
Each and every day.
You're helping me change,
To accept myself too.
You help me through the fear,
Of something completely new.
You've helped me so much.
I just want to see you smile.
Let's just live in the present,
For a little while.
How I SpeakPoetry is how I speak.
My communication is weak.
Sorry if I don't talk back.
Social skills I do lack.
No understanding of what to say.
Dealing with it everyday.
So when I just say nothing,
It doesn't mean anything.
What to say I'm not sure.
My short responses do bore.
Only understood when I write.
A difference of day and night.
Take this as my apology.
It's not you. It really is me.
Here With YouYou're right on the edge,
But you don't want to fall.
You're grasping in the air,
For anything at all.
Finally you find,
A place in my hand.
I begin to pull,
Bring you onto land.
Don't you worry.
You're safe here.
You'll be okay.
There's nothing to fear.
I see you crying.
You think of the end.
You feel so alone,
But I will be your friend.
Just talk with me.
You can even cry.
Just tell me everything.
Please don't be shy.
I just want you to smile.
I know it's tough to do.
Please just remember,
That I am here with you.
The stars that brighten our dreams...The stars that brighten our dreams...
Faded smile, dried tears
Back in time
Faint sound of a voice long gone,
A shadow of this friend’s smile,
Old image of a snowy winter dawn,
Ancient laughs… all were worthwhile
Flickering reminder, this shameful day
A first betrayal, suddenly refreshed
Scornful look haunting you again today
These old tears… you would have loved
To forget them all.
These whispers echoing at your ear,
You long wondered why they came
Suddenly drowning you again in fear,
Making better times again the same.
Smile to your old nightmares, it’s all past
Enjoy every good memory’s sweetness
Because no bad moment can ever outlast
The beauty of a tiny piece of happiness.
But, remember, you’ve only one life to live
Forget the aching past and taste the present
There’re so much nice things he can give
And every memory is part of it.
Someone Else.Someone Else.
I wish I had a...
A heart that is malleable.
A mind that isn’t practical
And a life that is fanciful.
I wish I had a...
Tranquil touch that never hurts.
A mouth that thinks before it spurts
And a body that is control of its nerves.
I wish I had...
Feet that are confident and able walk fast.
Hopeful hands that have a firm but soft grasp
And an ass that can rebound after every task.
I wish I had a smile that is permanent.
I wish I had eyes that were not so observant.
I wish I had the mass to withstand any disturbance.
Sometimes I wish I could be a completely different person.
Two Faced KnightI'm not brave or courageous, but i'm charming and contagious.
All the ladies far and wide will agree.
I know, I look like a pirate, but trust me i'm no tyrant,
cauase everyone around falls in love with me.
I'm a knight in shinning armor, but i'd rather hide and cower,
from the dragons fire, i'd rather run and flee.
But, i'm a man of my honor, even though it's the last hour,
I was born on the code of chivalry.
I sail, golden seas,
on a hunt for keys.
Cause no un-locked box gives you gems for free.
I don't call it greed,
I call it mouths to feed,
i'm not sorry if my sharpened tongue made you bleed.
how I get what I need,
before you know it's stolen, I've fled the scene.
But i'm bound by creed, to do what ever you need.
Just call me your treasure huntin goodie-two-shoed theif.
I shattered many hearts, and my blood ran grey.
I became the hoarding dragon Iv'e came to slay.
Just like the wing I wish I could change my ways.
More treasure to claim,
mortal debts to
WHEN I WAS YOUNGWHEN I WAS YOUNG
Once upon a time,
When I was young,
I believed our world is nice.
When I was young...
I thought I was the faulty one,
A parasite, a virus,
so sick and so hideous
I was asking so much,
always more than my lunch
"All these goodies, not enough?
What is more you need to laugh?"
When I was young,
I believed our world is nice
I felt, I was the broken one...
So I was shy, very shy
When I should and when I shouldn't...
I was so silly, stupid!
I thought I'm asking so much!
More than I need for lunch!
And if it happened to need more,
I would never ask it for.
But now I've grown so much,
little shame for my lunch,
Some they say, no shame at all,
that I'm out of control.
But now I've grown so much...
I always ask it for!
There's no shame, No more!
A Perfect MistakeI'm not perfect
No matter what I say
I'm a bit of a reject
Have been every day
So forgive me please
At least this one mistake
It is not with ease
That this smile I fake
Because every single night
It seems like a test
That slowly feeds the fright
Can't I have just a bit of rest
Or do I have to struggle
Is that my fate
To fight as I crumble
And live buried in hate
Is this what I've become
A monster in hiding
To slowly be undone
By all the deriding.
I’ve always wanted a boyfriend
I could watch porn with
and drink straight vodka with
until we’re too drunk to know
who took who
I’ve always wanted a boyfriend
I could ride
without feeling embarrassed
that there’s a freckle on my breast;
a boyfriend who could make me fall in love
with his eyelashes
when they’re wet with tears,
with his breakdowns and daydreams
and every honest, vulnerable little thing.
I’ve always wanted a boyfriend
who could make me believe in God
because miracles were real
and I didn’t need evolution anymore
I didn’t need to believe
that things were destined
to change –
that I didn't want them to change.
(I just wanted it to be perfect.)
You called me heroin
because you were addicted.
“You ruined my life,” you’d say,
drinking straight out the bottle.
You never drank with me,
so I always knew it was you
who was too drunk
to get my je
Silent School DaysI am refusing to look back fondly
On the so-called best days and years of my life
So my memories will not deceive me
With rose tinted reminiscence and hindsight
School was nothing more than a breeding ground
For close minded and close hearted thinking
Education was drip fed like water
But was too contaminated for drinking
We were fenced in along side our ambition
And watched it fade as we were forced to learn
From teachers for whom our best interests
Did not seem to be any of their concern
Most days it felt more like a factory
Than a fertile field of free thought
Manufacturing these children’s futures
With the useless information that they taught
Truth is they were bound by bureaucracy
Their once nurturing hands tied up in red tape
And without any passion for teaching
They began to neglect and humiliate
So I’d go to the library, see spaces on shelves
This told me that there were others like me
Wanting to lose themselves between book covers
Before losing their true identity
Time, life and everything.Time is funny, time seems to erase us from its memory.. but really; what eliminates a memory? is it time, or people? People live in your memory for as long as you want them to permeate.
People come and go, are born, and die, the same as sensations, feelings, thoughts and experiences, but what makes them matter is your interpretation, your elongation, your personal adaptation. It is really, ALL up to you… history, which as humans, is the only link to the past, to what was, to what became, to what has once been, to who we are; can quite frankly live on forever…or never.
If I was to only exist for a day, and in that day, i made it my mission, to impact you, only you, wouldn't that be enough, to be evidence of my existence? in it's most eternal state. What else is life, but an impact, but an experience and realisation, decorated in stories, reasons and theories?
We live, knowing that many have thought of the very thing, we live for–– been through, the very sentime
MonsterTrapped here inside a cage.
Mind filled with so much rage.
Trying everything to break free.
You're just pretending to be me.
I was here all along.
You're the one that is wrong.
I'm not what you want me to be,
So you drive me to this insanity.
I savor every freedom I get.
More will come just yet.
You know I'm not one to control.
Holding me back has taken a toll.
You're afraid of what I'll do,
But the real monster here is you.
what love is not.it was a s l o p p y first kiss where
my drunk lips fumbled against yours.
the dull thwack of my heart,
locked behind curved ribs
cleared my groggy brain,
clouded with lustful premonitions.
it was an e l e c t r i f y i n g first kiss where
you entwined your hands in my hair.
your mouth encompassed mine and
my breath became lost in the steady
of your chest.
it was a s h y first kiss where
i pulled away before you could explore.
your tongue grazed my teeth,
searching for a way past the ivory gates.
i dug my finger into the stubble along your jaw,
my nail lulling your carnal desires.
it was my first kiss with you.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More